the reasons behind

This here? This is an email from a sweet customer and this is why I do what I do. I'm forever humbled and grateful that I'm used to create pieces that mean so very much to people. My heart absolutely overflows.

mega glass sale

Oh man, let's all please pray that I can keep this little brain of mine wrapped around all of these fun and exciting changes that are happening here. I feel a little like I'm clinging to a floating device in an ocean and, looking ahead, I either see beautiful land or a big storm. Can't quite tell which one yet, but either way I know it will be good and right and I'll make it out alive. All important things, right? Right. This here is Phase One of Operation Out with the Old, folks. It feels good...it feels darn good. All glass jewelry is $25.00 online right now. Once it's gone, it's gone for good. That's all from me now. There's a baby girl that's about to wake up and some new pieces I need to go play with and adjust and wiggle and shake until they are juuuuuuust right. So, over and out. 10-4. Peace out. Those things.

tick tock

I've been thinking about time lately and how unexpected it is sometimes. How it can feel too quick and too slow all in the very same second. This month, month ten of Sarah June being here with us in our family, I think I have finally started to feel like a mom in a more natural way or, I guess, a more automatic way. It's who I am now rather than who I strive to be each day in between the dance of life stuff. I think I finally stopped yearning for my old shoes to fit, my old life. I think I finally realized how much better this one really is, instead of having to remind myself of that. Like every new thing that life hands me, I had to grow into it and be patient with myself. Take my time checking it out, navigating, trying it all on, making my comfy groove on my side of the mattress before I really felt like I fit in.

I guess that it took her forty weeks in my belly to feel ready to come meet the world as this new person, all smiles and giggles and confidence and joy, and I think maybe it took me forty weeks or so to feel ready to come into each day feeling comfortable...feeling like I belonged. Most days have been filled with laughter and out-of-control-it-almost-hurts love, but some days, even the happy ones, had me feeling like there was a giant clock in front of my face where I would watch the second hand go by slowly. I was completely obsessed with the moment and yet not living in it at all. Not present, but planning. And, man, I just didn't expect that, you know? I didn't expect that I'd have to learn this, grow into this. And I think part of my mind was consumed with being so disappointed in myself for that. Emotional ping pong all day long because I couldn't settle in. I was searching for my groove while sleeping on a wood board.

This month, I feel like I can rest a bit. Like I can take a deep breath and feel what it is that those moms are talking about when they say that you just know. For me, it happened through love and tears and sillies and smiles and maybe didn't happen in the hospital bed the moment she was handed to me. The knowing part. The comfortable part. The without a doubt in my mind this is where I belong part. But, I think maybe, it doesn't matter when or where it just matters that. And it helps if you can find sillies and giggles and chunky thigh and belly kisses while you search.

india inspired

Good gracious almighty, the new India inspired collection from Anthro has me dying right now. Dying. I shouldn't be looking at dresses, I shouldn't be blogging, I should be processing orders...but a gal knows when she needs to hit the pause button and just take a minute, you know? And this? This India embroidery-filled-way-out-of-my-budget goodness? It has me taking a minute or twelve. Seriously. That shirt? Gah. Get on my shoulders, you gorgeous shirt, you.

on creating

It's a funny thing, creating. It's a funnier thing creating when you have an adorable and very active six- toothed smile wiggling and crawling and climbing around at your feet. Apparently floating that smile above my head while I lay on my studio floor and listening to the giggles pour out does not a work hour make. Weird.

So, lately I have had to grab creating moments as they come. Which, as you probably know, isn't the most productive way to create. I'm more of a put my head down and maybe don't come up for air for twelve hours in a row type of creative gal. So learning to grab these moments has been a journey...one where I mostly feel like that American Express ad that Tina Fey did a few years ago. Anyone remember that one? She was hiding under her desk with papers and kids surrounding and covering her and the look on her face was, as usual, just priceless. Anyway, these moments...sometimes I grab them wildly and with much thrashing of the arms and pulling of the hair, sometimes happily with high fives and many check marks on that to do list, sometimes while bouncing baby girl on my knee or looking up every ten seconds or so to my girl exploring on the floor and saying with a big smile "hi, beautiful", and sometimes, just sometimes, it happens quietly when my creativity seems right and the fire of an idea is sparked. 

But, I guess I've figured out that it doesn't really matter how I do it. It just matters that I do it. It can't look like it used. And I don't really want it to...those were some lonely twelve hour chunks of time I spent there. All head down and grumbling and intense. So whether thrashing about or singing or bouncing or sighing, being creative again makes me feel like me. Like I'm doing one of the things that God put me here to do (because, really, He gives us more than one). And that creating? It just feels so great. I can't wait to show Bear what her mama made while she was learning to walk and explore and clap and wave.

How about you? How and when do you create best? Any pointers for a new mama?

[Wait...seriously...just like that after not blogging in, oh, ten months you're going to start in without even an explanation? Yeah. Yeah I guess I am? Sorry? Hi? Missed you, mean it?]

planner giveaway

Yay for 2013! Yay for organization! Yay for planning! But, really, super duper yay for giveaways! (I really do talk and think this way, friends. Truly.) Check out Oh So Beautiful Paper for information on a Laurel Denise Planner giveaway!

internet delights no. 102912

 

1. So... this exists. You're welcome.

2. Somehow these jumped into my cart at Old Navy. In two sizes. Weird.

3. Found these at Rock, Paper, Scissors in Charlottesville the other day and maybe squealed out loud and probably spent about ten minutes (with Sarah June in tow) deciding which happy design and color I should go with. It was time well spent. 

4. Would I wear this dress? I want so much to say yes, but I'm just not sure that I really would. Because, you know, it's a color and all.

5. Well, hey there, happy zig zag rug with your pop of yellow color on the edges, very nice to see you sitting there in the sale section.

6. More tiny gold shoes. I have a serious problem, you guys. 

ps: These are amazing (from Cup of Jo first) //

internet delights no 102312

And, we're back. Thank goodness almighty. There is no segue for this transition from post partum depression to talking again about pretty little internet delights after, oh, four months of silence is there? Here's the truth, folks: a gal can be sad and then, thank God, not sad anymore...and through it all? She can still love pretty little delights. So let's return to taking about those pretty little delights today. Hopefully they bring smiles to your pretty little faces.

1. I found some fantastic new flats that are sorta pointy, but not too I-work-in-a-corporate-office kind of way, and sorta more my age than some of the shoes I tend to wear (either bright pink tennis shoes or slippers most days. Truth.) Anyway. Aren't these fun? They come in all sorts of colors. I went with the grey. Duh.

2. If you give a gal some fantastic new flats, chances are she's going to ask for some new slippers as well.

3. Gah. I died. Did you die? I just want to squeeze this little elephant and go a little Lenny on his widdle wrinkles. (found on this tumblr)

4. I want this to be a bedspread. Or a towel. Or a rug. But I'll also take it as a pretty fabulous tea towel as well.

5. Little Miss Sarah June likes to make out with and chew on the princess version of this blabla doll all day long.

6. Oh hey there, 2013 Planner. You're here and shipping out every single day and I love you oh so much.

after

I think the word depression must be, maybe, the worst word in the world. Ever. Followed closely by moist and mucus. I've written this post, oh, about a thousand times. Seriously. Never pressing publish, never getting below about 25 paragraphs give or take, and never actually writing the word "depression". Because, man, to a happy and positive and seriously my glass is so overflowing, the table is not only soaked, but the wooden floors are probably warped at this point as well, the word "depression" just doesn't go. Doesn't fit. Only, in the hours and days following the arrival of our sweet little Sarah June, it did go. Fit like a glove made just for me...out of barbed wire or scratchy wool or something awful. Sweet Sarah June was born at 12:46pm on a Tuesday afternoon. By 6:00pm that very night, I knew that my nightmare "after" had begun.

In that time, I learned the true terror behind the word depression. The true darkness. And the true inability to believe that you will ever, ever, ever return to yourself. That you will ever walk beyond your front door step without having a panic attack. That you will ever grocery shop again. Or cope. Or go to the gym. Or love your sweet little angel-faced baby in that complete and total way that all of the "unbroken" moms talk about. Or want to be here on this earth ever again. Or stop wanting to punch a wall. Or stop looking at a dark corner in a hidden closet and think that might be a perfectly acceptable place to curl up and stay for the rest of your life. Or not dread the sun fading into night because that's when the really, really bad stuff would start to swirl and choke you until the only breathing you can get out is through sobs. Or ever feel anything happy again. So you stare at the razor and try to build up the courage. Or you look at the pills and think "I think that's how they do this in the movies, right...?" It all just feels so...so real. And so very permanent. You don't see that it's your hormones and you're experiencing something that people don't just cope with by being "better" or "stronger". You don't see that things will get better. You don't see because nothing is clear. You don't see because your mind is so completely taken over, you can hardly finish a complete thought let alone process something visual. You don't see because you don't want to believe that nothing in your line of vision is the same anymore. Everything had changed and I couldn't see the beauty of it because I couldn't see beyond the huge cloud surrounding me and pushing me down. I couldn't see how perfect and peaceful and wonderful and amazing our sweet little girl was. I couldn't see that she was literally every single thing we've prayed for in the past two years of trying to get pregnant.

I read an article on goop.com during one of my many late-night feedings with Sarah June where actress Bryce Howard talks about her postpartum depression. She says, "If I had been able to truthfully convey my ordeal with post-partum depression under the glare of those lights, I most likely would have said no words at all. I simply would have stared at the interviewer with an expression of deep, deep loss." I think that nothing can describe it better than that. It's empty. It's both everything and huge and all-consuming and completely and totally drained and empty and void at the same exact time. Everything and nothing. Blank. Indescribable. A huge, empty, and extremely deep loss.

But...and I don't know how to segway into this in an eloquent way...it just...it did get better. I did fill up again. I read Psalm 143 over and over and over again, I prayed to be surrounded by the Lord's peace and protection in order to sleep, I had a husband brave and graceful enough to call my doctor and help me get the right medicine, a husband brave and graceful enough to wrap me in his arms and stay there all day if he needed to be, I had a doctor who took me seriously, I had tremendous family support, I had friends that called and texted and wrote me letters without the expectation of me getting back to them ever, I had faith and a God who continued to hold my hand through all of this. It was the darkest time of my life...followed closely with the brightest and happiest. Because once you have again after you haven't had, once you can feel again after you haven't been able to, everything is filled with joy. Everything is happiness. My darkest time, my scariest time in life, was because I couldn't feel me. I couldn't feel anything. So when I could feel me again? Lord, was that a gift. To see how happy I am just being simple me. To see how happy I am with a little baby girl who smiles at me and snuggles with me and loves me so completely. To be able to love her back. To be able to truly see her. It's all just such a gift. And without the postpartum depression (there, I wrote the word again), maybe I would never know what a gift it all truly is.

I guess I'm finally pushing publish on this because I want people to know...I want some mama out there to be able to google "ppd" and maybe land on my blog and maybe find some comfort. To know that I felt the same things she might be feeling right then. To know that it did get better. To know that telling someone, anyone, is the smartest and bravest and most courageous thing they will ever do. They aren't broken. They aren't permanently damaged. I want them to know that they've been taken over, but they will and can take over again. That they will recognize themselves again and they will feel that complete and totally and gripping love for their baby that everyone talks about. They will. They can.

So maybe your opinion of me as the gal who makes the happy and uplifting jewelry has changed. Maybe you won't like that I had to take medicine to get better. Maybe you'll think I'm a bad mom. Maybe...but maybe you won't. I hope you won't. It just matters so much to me for people to know that everyone can be affected by this, that it's not just a normal part of pregnancy that you have to live with, but that it's something really serious that can be fought. That they can and should be brave and talk about it to someone. I know that talking to my Cute Husband and having him talk to my doctor, that praying earnestly and constantly to my amazing Lord and receiving His perfect grace made me, just me, the very best mom I could ever be.

So...here goes nothing. Publish.

2013 planner pre-order sale has begun!

Well, kids, the planners are coming back for 2013. It's been an exciting time over in Laurel Denise land proofing monthly and weekly view files and designing new covers all while changing diapers and cooing and smiling at perhaps the happiest baby girl God ever did create. Yes, yes...an entire post (many of them, I'm sure) dedicated to that smiling face is coming soon, I promise. It's just that there is way too much to say and way too many pictures to go through to post that right now. This post? This post here is to announce that the pre-order sale of the 2013 Laurel Denise Planner has officially begun! Grab them here for $30.00 until September 1st. After that day, they will go back to $35.00. Smooches to you, my happy planning and list-making friends!

(If you'd rather purchase on Etsy, you can follow this link and be taken directly to the Laurel Denise Etsy Shop.)

recent finds no. 052512

 

No. 1: So, I have sort of a "thing" with lavender flavored anything. It's good to my belly. Real good. In a tears come to my eyes when I surprisingly see lavender creme brulee on the menu at a restaurant sort of good to my belly kind of way. Which means these lavender honey drops sound sort of amazing to me. Like a spa in your mouth, no?

No. 2: I think these espadrilles are fantastic.

No. 3: And these wedges seem like the perfect summer shoe that's fancy without being too fancy and comfy.

No. 4: Have you guys ever felt these stuffed animals from heaven? They are maybe the very softest things next to the baby belly/bum combination that exists in this sweet world.

No. 5: Saw this paper cut awesome-ness by Sarah Louise Matthews on the Anthology Blog and might have choked on my carrots covered in veggie dip. Beautiful, yes? (The artwork, not the brain image of me and my carrots covered in dip. Sorry about that one.)

in other news...
-Not sure how I have missed this blog for so long! Rena Tom's blog is filled with so much general business goodness and know-how it's a must for anyone out there doing this creative, retail selling, marketing, business-ing thing. Interesting articles and awesome perspective. Plus, Rena's maybe one of the nicest people out there ever so it's fun to read through something she works on.

-Erin at Design for Mankind did a stellar job on her sunroom. Doesn't it just make you want to curl up and read a book and drink something delicious? I think it's perfection in a room.

-Have loved reading the articles on this great new-to-me mama site, mom.me. Quick and relevant articles and finally a parenting website that doesn't have so much going on that it leaves me confused and overwhelmed and wanting to curl up and hide in a corner somewhere.

recent finds: no. 051812

No. 1: Let the cuteness squealing begin with these tiny toms. (Also, the name? Tiny Toms? Cutest. Ever.)

No. 2: I allow myself two of these little peanut butter chocolate balls every night after dinner. And sometimes after lunch. And sometimes "after dinner" means after the bowl of ice cream that I've already had for dessert. No big deal.

No. 3: I'm certainly not to proud to want an overnight bag that was in the kids section at J.Crew. So cute, right?

No. 4: I mean, seriously, this is absolutely brilliant.  

No. 5: Happy, happy socks.

recent finds no. 050412

No. 1: I just finished this James study and so purchasing this print seemed like a no-brainer.

No. 2: Gah. This book! I don't agree with every single thing the book says, but it really is a great resource in the search for the whole "how in the heck do I do this whole raising a human being and help them to be sweet and happy and pleasant to be around and wonderful and all of those good things" problem that runs around in my head quite often. No child's guide book is perfect, I know, and it's all very personal and needs to be adjusted according to your own family, but I enjoyed this read and agreed with lots.

No. 3: These flats are magical.  

No. 4: You, little striped onesie of happiness, are adorable. 

No. 5: You guys...I saw these in person last week and almost fell off the couch out of complete obsession with the cuteness. I could hardly stand it! A local C'ville mama makes these goods and sells the patterns in her Etsy shop. I'm not a knitter (like photograpy, this is one special skill I just can't master), but I know that many of you are. Check out her shop and buy a pattern or two. Because, I mean, seriously, don't you need adorable piggies surrounding your ice cream? Because I do. I know I do. One hundred and ten percent.

recent finds no 042612

 

No. 1: I know, I know, I thought ice cream couldn't get to be more fun. But these teaspoons sort of insist on more fun...and more ice cream. Two very good things.

No. 2: Fine...fine! You're the cutest stripey bag there ever was to be.

No. 3: This i-phone case seems like one big smile to me. (caught on Paper + Cup Blog first)

No. 4: You guys. You guys. This stuff? This stuff is pure heaven on The Belly. I ran out a week or so ago and practically wept when I finally found it again in a Kroger grocery store, of all places. Don't mind me, just the really short 8 month pregnant gal in the organic skincare section of the grocery store with tears of happiness running down her face. No big deal.

...I made these watermelon cube things this week and they were good with a capital G. Only I did basil instead of mint because I was stuck in a grocery store without a fast 3G connection and couldn't remember the green thing that was paired with the feta and watermelon deliciousness and thought "basil...how bad could it be??"

glass jewelry sale in laurel denise land

Oh, hey, what's that? A huge glass jewelry sale on laureldenise.com? Sweetness, friends! As if Fridays needed to get any cooler, right? Pricing is 40-50% off of regular prices. For real. Quantities are limited to what we actually have in stock, so hop on over quickly and scoop up your favorites. Sale ends May 1st, or when pieces sell out.

Direct link to glass jewelry sale section.

recent finds: 041312

No. 1: Have you guys heard about this food philosophy about eating for your blood type? My friend Brett told me about it years ago. I'm not a believer in big, fad diet things (just a believer in making as many healthy choices throughout the day as you can), but I've been considering reading up on the info behind this idea because I had to start taking iron supplements for baby girl recently and, ever since, I have never felt better. I can't really workout anymore, but I think that has more to do with the watermelon on my midsection than it does about general health. Anyway, since taking the iron, I feel clearer and more energetic and just healthier during my daily doings. Makes a gal who's been pretty sleepy her whole life take notice.

No. 2: Have you ever...I mean, seriously, have you ever seen something so cute? Ever ever? (via Marcy)

No. 3: So cool. (via Unruly Things)

No. 4: I live in fear of the mixer that I'm watching over for a friend without enough kitchen space. It's just so big...and heavy...and loud...how can it possibly not jump off the shelf when I try to use it and just gobble me right up? I never have purchased a sweet little hand mixer because who needs that when you don't, um, bake? But lately, maybe it's baby or maybe it's just the new house, I've been wanting to, like, prepare things in the kitchen! It's shocking even to me. Since I'm still afraid of the big girl mixer, I think this cute little happy handheld mixer might be a good introduction.

No. 5: I'm needing a diaper bag that isn't too girly so that Cute Husband can carry it around, too. This one from Skip Hop is close...I think. Maybe.

-eye opening images - evolution of cheerleaders (via Cup of Jo)
-cool article on the pressure of living up to it all (via lucy)
-how to soften brown sugar (this article was helpful as I took a kitchen knife to the brick that was formally known as my brown sugar this week)

marcy may photography: baby bump shots

Sweet and oh so talented Marcy took some baby bump photos of Cute Husband and me last week. I know, I know...the belly is quite...shocking...and, well, I'm not sure how I'm standing up either, but I just love that bump and the wiggly gal inside so much, standing upright isn't as much of a priority as it once was.

If you have any photograph needs coming up (family, babies, product shots, or just wanting to capture any old happy-filled moment in life), I seriously can't recommend Marcy enough. Her rates are so reasonable, she's fast as lightening in getting your photos to you, and, well, she's just plain awesome and talented. So, contact her! A family photo session would make a great mama's day gift...just saying.

recent finds: 040612

No. 1: Oh, hey, adorable little girl shirt. I like you so very much.

No. 2: And I can't possibly leave you out, adorable shirt dress.

No. 3: Such a perfect bag.

No. 4: I think that I would love to smell of lovely sea breeze beach fragrance while getting smooth and shiny skin this summer, don't you agree? (via Cup of Jo)

No. 5: Isn't this tea kettle just the most beautiful shade of blue? I love it so.

No. 6: Ever been caught outside in a storm and had your umbrella flip all inside out, revealing your hair in a wet tangled mess, causing your bags to fly about when all you can do is silently pray that your ill-advised choice of a sundress doesn't flip up, too? No? Just me? Makes me hope this Blunt umbrella technology really works. That would be sort of fabulous.

No. 7: You guys didn't think I could post without posting about a shoe today, did you? Not. Possible.

Other exciting things found on the internets this week:
-This is a super awesome make your own flowers tutorial from Creature Comforts. Super awesome.
-Cute how-to glittered wire name signs on Oh Happy Day

ps: I guess I decided to blog about things that are pink and blue today, huh?

pps: This is where I'll be on Sunday. I think you should be there, too. Happy Easter, friends!

recent finds: 033012

No. 1: Cute Husband has the green thumb around here, I'm just the one charge of putting outfits on his plants. I think this little container would be really happy in our house outfitting a new plant for the mister, yes?

No. 2: I just like these. Because, you know, all I need in my life is another cute tote bag.

No. 3: You store butter in this. And then you squeal with happiness every time you make toast.

No. 4: We lived in NYC (well, sorta...Hoboken counts, right?) for a few years and so I feel like this print makes sense in our home even though we live in Virginia now. Right? (Saw it on Oh So Beautiful Paper first!)

No. 5: I just need for these to get on my feet.

No. 6: These also are pretty happy, huh?

And now for some fun links that I found on the internets and through bloggers way better than me this week...
...Holy moly, these vintage ads had my jaw on the floor! Unbelievable. (via Cup of Joe)

recent finds: 032312

No. 1: Here's the thing...I'm not very good at sharing my snacks. Not very good at all. I'm great, however, at sharing other people's snacks. Especially those found on Cute Husband's plate. I think I should get the poor man one of these plates, don't you? He sort of requires a little bear ninja to protect his food. (Saw it on Oh Joy first!)

No. 2: I've been making a little list called "reasons I neeeeeeed an ipad" for a few months now. I just might have convinced myself that it is true, I do indeed "need" one. And, if I do wind up getting one, I think this case is just about the happiest and most awesome one out there, yes?

No. 3: Can't get enough of this stuff this week (slash ever?). I have a "thing" with cereal. It's normally not allowed in our house (ever...seriously), but at seven months pregnant I've decided that this mama here deserves a little cereal in her life.

No. 4: Oh hey, adorable little sweet baby girl's dress. So nice to see you!

No. 5: Have you gals ever used this stuff? It's filled with an awesome super power that makes your eyelashes big and full and long and happy for a long, long time. For serious.

No. 6: I pretty much rock a pair of gold sandals every single day in the summer. I don't know...they are easy, not too blingy, but don't just look like I have rubber flops on (which are called for and awesome, too). Wearing a white tee and jeans with gold flops makes a gal feel fancier or something. Anyway, my pair from last year have seen better days (no, seriously, every single day I wear them), so I'm in search for a new pair. Not sure this snakeskin version fills the "not too blingy" requirement, but they are close...ish. Maybe.

A good read about falling in love with your kids.
A sweet letter about love. (great find, Marcy!)
Spent some time on a quiet morning reading through the newest issue of Sweet Paul. So good. Just so good.