what's in a miracle?

I've pictured myself writing this post for almost two years. I pictured starting it with something about how the ceiling at my doctor's office has, like, 17.888888 (give or take) little squares on it. Or big ones. The kinds you see in elementary schools...or, um, doctors' offices? I would sit there waiting for the doctor, every three of four days or so (bless you, medical insurance), and I would count the squares. Because what else could you do? I didn't want to think about maybe not being able to have a baby (that's why I was there - have I mentioned that yet?) because how on earth could that be possible when my sisters have, oh, about a million cuties floating around out there and my mama never ever had any troubles in the baby department and I have the best husband in the world who is supposed to be a dad I just know it. So, I counted ceiling panels.

And I prayed. Prayed for whatever the plan was...that I'd feel comfortable with it. That I would be given the blessed peace that surpasses all understanding. And sometimes cried. But mostly just waited. And waited. And in the waiting really did get that peace. Truly. Because where else do we really get that peace, but in the waiting? And it left me, the Type A-not-so-great-at-waiting-er, learning how to sit and really rest in the waiting. Not making lists, forgetting to even do the things the books told me to do (I did, however, purchase that fancy thermometer...just kept forgetting to actually take the temperature), forgetting to even really read through the books. In the wait, I found a new kind of trust and dependence on God. One I guess I thought I'd had, but was really given with this awesome time of waiting. A hope not in an end result, but that whatever the result was, it would be perfect and wonderful and just right. Such a gift. A miracle. The first we'd see.

The second came at the gym on September 16th, when I somehow forgot to bring my water bottle and was forced to the water fountain. A water fountain filled with water that tasted like nickles and pennies. Not the usual way of the water fountain, you know? It was odd and led me to a test which led me to the sweet sight of a plus sign (I never did enjoy math, but that plus sign was the prettiest thing I'd seen until my ultrasound a few days later) which led me to a tear-filled announcement with my Cute Husband (and some jumping around) which led me to a blood test and led me to a sweet, sweet confirmation. Which led me, ultimately, to three months on my knees in prayer. Full and complete dependence. "Please save this baby...please let this be real...please let the baby be safe...please help me calm! down! and relax and stop! worrying!..." Prayers that were, miraculously, answered.

And the third miracle comes now, with the passing of my first trimester and the continuation of many, many answered prayers. I'm so thankful I have a God that stood by me and held my hand during this wait, I'm thankful for the answered prayers, and I'm thankful for this journey in its entirety. From two years ago to now. I'm thankful for every moment and I can't wait to see more miracles unfold...as I hear, this is just the beginning.